This past half year I’ve been so bored I actually decided to take up some sports. You know what they say about sports being good for health and all that, so, anyway hence started my new obsession.
First I went for swimming lessons, with fantasies of major hunks rescuing me from drowning. Nah, I was just joking. My main aim was to get some exercise. Serious. Off I went shopping for a new bathing suit. Probably due to lack of experience, I purchased a 2-piece suit at a really bargain price. I was simply ecstatic to be able to come upon such a great offer at around fifty-something bucks. Anyway, there I was on the first day of my lesson in my shocking pink bathing suit when everyone else my age was dressed in sombre tones of black and blue. Speak of humiliation. Nonetheless, I braved myself for that first plunge. Gosh! It as so cold my blood almost freezed over. Oh, and did I mention that the class for adult women was at night? Guess I forgot. Anyway, seeing as how things turned out, my interest in swimming waned prematurely and came to an abrupt end. Of course there was also the fact that I was terrified of floating in the middle of nowhere and drowning to my death any second. But those are just some of the minor details.
Next I took up typing. It exercises the fingers you know. I bought a CD programme and began my lessons with enthusiasm. At first all went well. I proudly finished all my tasks to the computerised encouragements of the programme such as “you’re doing GREAT!” or “keep up the good work!” Slowly I realised that the words of encouragement that warmed my heart were no more than phrases repeated over and over again like a broken record. Anyway, I was still quite happy to crawl around at 19 wpm. Soon, the computer felt inclined to break me out of my sweet cocoon. It pressed me to go harder and harder to reach a target of 70 wpm. Otherwise, I had to repeat the exercise again and again. There I was banging away at the keyboard AND IT STILL WASN’T FAST ENOUGH!! That’s when I just about had it! Who needs to know how to type anyway?
Recently I took up ping pong. It’s quite a nice game, I think. There is no exposure to the sun so my delicate skin can’t be harmed. There is not so much space to run about so physically it’s not so taxing. There’s no immersion in water so I won’t have to freeze to death. What more could I ask for? As I tried to hit the ball across, all it did was crawl miserably over to the other side of the table and come hurtling back at me with the speed of a torpedo as my opponent smashed it back. To aid my serving, someone told me to imagine I was using my bat to slap someone when I served the ball. Thus it will be fast and low, both good traits of a ball. I proceeded to slap it across just a little too hard. All in all, I still think it is a great game.
A new form of exercise I invented is none other than kite-flying. It tones up the neck marvellously as you are always looking up. I’ve read before somewhere that a aged adults looks their best when looking up because whatever excess fat is not sagging due to gravity, the jaw line is more defined, eye-bags disappear, in fact it is exactly what you would look like after you get a face-lift done. However, I guess the only one seeing their incredibly perfect upturned face would be the birds and kites.
Anyway, as I finish typing this incredibly long piece of crap with my 2 fingers, I pretend to ignore the soreness of my knuckles due to overuse. I guess the correct ten-fingered way of typing does have its benefits after all.
